Do Long-Distance Relationships Work? What the Research Says

Everyone has an opinion about long distance. Your aunt thinks it never works. Your friend who did it for three years thinks it's the best thing that ever happened to her. The internet is full of confident numbers ("58% succeed!") that turn out to have no source at all.

So we went to the actual research: peer-reviewed studies and large surveys, what they found, how big they were, and where they fall short. We also list the viral statistics we couldn't verify, so you know which ones to ignore. If you're about to start long distance, or you're in it and wondering, this is the evidence.

Do long-distance relationships actually work?

Yes, about as often as relationships where you live close. The strongest study we have found no difference in breakup rates, and long-distance partners reported higher relationship quality on several measures.

That doesn't mean distance is easy, or that it works for everyone. It means that distance by itself isn't the relationship-killer people assume. What matters more is how you handle it, and especially how you handle the end of it. The research points to a surprising risk point: not the separation, but the reunion.

What the best studies found

Short version: three solid studies, each with real limits, point the same way. Long-distance couples do fine or better while apart, partly because they communicate more deliberately, and the move to the same city is where many relationships wobble.

Kelmer, Rhoades, Stanley and Markman (2013): the strongest evidence

This is the study to cite. Researchers at the University of Denver used a nationally representative US sample of 870 unmarried adults in relationships, and compared people in long-distance relationships with people who lived near their partners (Family Process, 2013).

What they found:

• Long-distance partners reported higher relationship quality on a number of measures.
• They reported higher dedication to the relationship and lower feelings of being trapped in it.
• They thought they were less likely to break up, but at the follow-up they were just as likely to have broken up as couples who lived close.

That last point is the honest one. Long distance isn't worse, but it isn't a magic shield either. Couples apart may be slightly more optimistic than their outcomes justify.

Limits: it covers unmarried adults only, and like any survey it reports averages, not what will happen to one particular couple.

Jiang and Hancock (2013): why distance can feel more intimate

This study asked a narrower question: do long-distance couples actually feel closer, and if so, why? For one week, 63 dating couples (30 long-distance, 33 living close) kept diaries of every interaction they had, across face-to-face, phone, video chat, texting, instant messaging and email (Journal of Communication, 2013).

Long-distance couples reported greater intimacy. Two things drove it: they disclosed more about themselves, and they idealized their partner's behavior more, reading messages in a more positive light. The idealization effect was stronger in text-based and asynchronous messages. As the study's press release put it, long-distance couples "try harder" at communicating affection, and it pays off.

Limits: it's small, and the sample was young (average age about 21, 73% college students, all heterosexual couples). One week of diaries is a snapshot, not a verdict on how relationships turn out.

Stafford, Merolla and Castle (2006): what happens at reunion

This is the study everyone should read before closing the distance. Researchers surveyed 335 undergraduates at a Midwestern university who were in, or had recently been in, a serious long-distance relationship (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2006).

• About half of the relationships made it to living near each other; the other half ended while still apart.
• Among couples who reunited, roughly a third later broke up, and most of those breakups came within three months of moving to the same place.
• People whose relationships ended after reunion described a loss of autonomy, new information about their partner (good and bad), trouble managing time, and more conflict and jealousy. They were also more likely to say they missed things about the long-distance phase.

Limits: it's one university's college students, looking back on their relationships (retrospective self-report), recruited for class extra credit. It's a useful warning, not a national rate.

How common is long distance?

Three sources give reliable, if partial, answers:

• Online maintenance: In 2013, 24% of internet users with recent dating experience had used the internet or email to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship, up from 19% in 2005 (Pew Research Center).
• Attitudes: In a 2019 survey, 51% of single adults looking to date said they probably or definitely would not consider a relationship with someone who lives far away (Pew Research Center, 2020).
• Married couples living apart: Census data analyzed by Bowling Green State University show the share of newlyweds living apart from their spouse, for reasons other than marital problems, rose from 6% in 1980 to 13% in 2018, and was 26.5% among newlyweds aged 15 to 24 (NCFMR, Payne, Allred and Brown, 2020).

Long-distance relationship statistics at a glance

Every number here links to a primary source. If you're writing about long distance, these are the figures you can cite.

Numbers you'll see online that we couldn't verify

These circulate widely, but we couldn't find a primary source for any of them. Treat them as folklore until someone publishes the methodology.

• "14 million US couples are in long-distance relationships."
• "3.75 million married couples live apart."
• "58% of long-distance relationships succeed."
• "The average long-distance relationship lasts 2.9 years."
• "Long-distance couples send 343 texts a week."
• "Couples need 3 to 5 touchpoints a day."

Why we left them out: the first two are usually credited to the "Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships," a website that is no longer online, with no published methodology we could find. The others tend to trace back to brand-sponsored surveys with no published method, or simply to other statistics roundups quoting each other. Some may be roughly right. None can be checked, so none belong in a serious answer.

If a statistic is too tidy ("58%!") and the link goes to another list of statistics, that's your signal.

Why can distance make couples feel closer?

Because being apart changes how you talk. When you can't share a couch, you have to put things into words, and that deliberate effort builds intimacy.

The Jiang and Hancock diary study points to two mechanisms:

1. More self-disclosure. When your time together is a phone call or a message thread, you tend to spend it on what matters: how you feel, what happened, what you're worried about. Couples who live together can go days trading logistics.
2. Idealization. With less day-to-day information about your partner, you fill the gaps generously. A short "thinking of you" text reads as warmer than it might in person.

The Kelmer findings fit this picture. Long-distance partners reported more dedication and less feeling trapped, which makes sense when staying together takes active choice every week.

Why is the reunion the risky part?

Because idealization has a bill that comes due. The same generous gap-filling that makes distance feel intimate can make everyday life together feel like a letdown.

Stafford's research describes what reunited couples ran into: the independence they'd gotten used to disappeared, they learned new things about each other (including irritating ones), time got harder to manage, and conflict and jealousy went up. People whose relationships ended after reunion were more likely to say they missed things about being long distance, like autonomy and novelty.

None of this means reunion is doomed. It means you should expect an adjustment period and plan for it, rather than assuming the hard part ends the day you share an address. Our guide to closing the distance covers the practical side: who moves, money, and the first few months.

What predicts whether a long-distance relationship lasts?

No study gives a checklist, but the research and common sense point in the same direction. These are research-informed habits, not guarantees.

A plan to close the distance

Long distance works best as a phase, not a permanent arrangement. Having even a rough end date (after graduation, when the contract ends, once the visa comes through) gives the hard weeks a purpose. If neither of you can say when or where you'd live together, that's worth talking about early.

Predictable contact, not constant contact

Nothing in the studies above says more contact is better. What tends to help in practice is knowing when you'll next talk, so neither of you is anxiously waiting. A standing call time you both protect beats all-day texting that one of you finds draining. If you're in different time zones, our time zone planner shows when you're both awake and free, in both local times. For more on rhythm, see how often long-distance couples should talk.

Sharing ordinary life

Given what Stafford found about reunion shocks, the idealization advantage is worth balancing with reality. Send the boring photos: the messy desk, the sad lunch, the bus that didn't come. Talk about chores and money before you share a kitchen. Some couples use an app for this; Miles Apart's daily challenge, for example, asks you both for a photo of your actual day. A daily text thread does the job too.

Visits

Seeing each other in person, and having the next visit on the calendar, keeps the relationship grounded in real life. Try to include ordinary days on visits, not just highlights. Grocery shopping together tells you more about living together than a perfect weekend away.

For the full playbook, see how to make a long-distance relationship work.

How do you know if it isn't working?

When the problem is the relationship, not the distance. Distance makes everything harder, but some signs point to something that moving closer won't fix.

• There's no end in sight and nobody wants to talk about it. If one of you avoids every conversation about the future, the distance may be doing the deciding for you.
• Contact feels like an obligation. Every relationship has flat weeks. But if calls are consistently something you both endure, notice it.
• Trust takes more energy than it gives. Occasional jealousy is normal with distance. Constant checking, suspicion or rules about who you can see is a different thing.
• You're only happy on visits. If the time apart feels empty and the time together feels like a vacation from real life, ask what daily life together would look like.
• You want different things. Different cities, different timelines, or one of you wants to close the distance and the other doesn't.

None of these means it's over. They mean it's time for an honest conversation, ideally on video rather than by text. Our list of long-distance relationship questions includes some good ones about the future.

The research is more encouraging than the reputation. Long-distance couples do about as well as anyone else, and often feel closer while apart. The couples who make it through are usually the ones who treat the distance as temporary, keep talking about real life, and give the reunion as much care as the separation.